A High Price to Pay
by Miranda le Ginger
Summary: Sometimes our pasts come back to haunt us. Emylyn Mahariel learns this painful lesson the hard way.


Author's note: My favorite work to date; I always thought that Tamlen had died in the Dalish origin. But, after research, I found out that he did not meet the fate that was previously thought of. No, it was much worse. It hit me so hard that I had to write this story. Now, this story is primarily angst/tragedy, but romance and even some humor in the beginning are prevalent. I had planned for the entire story to be just sad, but Emylyn kinda ran with it. She is surprisingly humorous. I think it makes this story that much more of a heartbreaker.

Disclaimer: I do **not** own Dragon Age: Origins, unfortunately. If I did, Tamlen would have miraculously found a cure and lived. He deserved a more fitting end than consuming to the Darkspawn taint and having to be killed by his friend. (spoilers)

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"_Mourning is not forgetting... It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust."_ - Margery Allingham

"Ah, another day spent rending the heads off of Darkspawn, intimidating would-be assassins, and saving kittens from trees. Good day, good day indeed." I could not keep in a chuckle as Zevran's words drifted to my ears. The irrepressible elf had proven to be quite useful since I spared his life after his shoddy attempt to kill my fellow companions and I. Pretty good comedic relief too. Made for some interesting conversations around the campfire. That, and Alistair and Morrigan's constant fights. Speaking of which…"Do you have to be so evil all the time? Maker, if we all had to pick which character you would be in a storybook, you would be whatever creature is the nastiest…plus ten." Morrigan's gold eyes narrowed at my fellow Warden. I stayed well back, lest I get hit by a bolt of lightning or a wall of flame. "Yes, and you would be the stupid, cliché knight that runs around trying to rescue the clueless princess from the terrible, fire-breathing dragon in the hopes of gaining fame and a quick roll in the hay afterwards. Instead, you would either die a horrible death, or your sweaty, repugnant stench would scare the young maiden away or cause her to become near unconscious. Sound about right?"

I tried to withhold my laughter; be strong, Emylyn! Be strong! Alas, it was not to be. The laughter bubbled out, breaching my defenses. The now free agent resounded throughout the camp, broadcasting my amusement for all to hear. It was a good thing no Darkspawn were running about; my laughter would have put a big ol' sign over our camp, saying, "Here they are; plump and ready to eat! Drive through and entertainment included. Have a nice day!" Nope, no menus for me, thanks. I would rather keep my looks free from bite marks. And holes. I sat close to the fire, warming my hands against the fiery blanket of warmth. Leliana gifted us with her voice; the sweet melody floated over our heads and settled deep within our hearts. She had the voice of an angel…and the archery skills of a trained killer. It's always the cute, silent ones. Shale stood farther back, looking like she normally does: tall, silent, and…rocky. Wynne was, thankfully, cooking the meal this night. I was relieved; Alistair is my close friend and I care for him…but his food tastes like bleh. Leliana, for all her good traits, is not so good either. I am not trying to gossip, but the other day she almost put deathroot in our stews by accident. I still say she was trying to get rid of Morrigan. Morrigan…did not share my humor on the subject.

Said witch was farthest off, face firmly plastered in a large, dusty-looking tome. I could not read the binding; probably had to do with one hundred and one ways to kill an ex-templar who you despise in under a minute. Collector's edition. Sten was having quality time with my Mabari hound; they were growling in native Dog. I stay clear away when they do that. Alistair was whittling away at some wooden piece, which by the way looked terribly awful. I mean, come on: the nose on that thing could give Pinocchio a run for his money! Oh well, if it makes him happy…Zevran, not surprisingly, was close to Elena and I, attacking us with cheesy pick-up lines and fanciful tales that were just that. Really, the only reason he is bothering us is because Elena and I are dating, and Wynne will not let him have access to her chest. Zevran keeps calling her chest the 'Wonders of Thedas.' Not to be confused with the store in Denerim; these wonders are privately owned. Anywho, the elf started talking about how the Antivans wooed their women, and tried so very hard to get under our armor. Or in Elena's case, robes. We had to decline; sorry there, pal. Better luck next time.

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I sat all cozy and content with Elena. I am one seriously fortunate Dalish elf. Elena Amell was a vision; a tall, tanned, brunette vision with sky blue eyes and the ability to hex me into the next dimension. Yep, it was love at first sight. Or maybe fifty, give or take. Either way, I was lucky to have found such a perfect woman during such dire times. How a talented human like her could fall in love with a lithe, slightly (very) clumsy elf with messy dark hair and eyes as gray as the clouds when it is about to storm is beyond me. But, she has dug her own grave. Now she is stuck with me. Both of our hands were clutching each other's, our closeness a much needed relief from daily life. Both Elena and I craved the closeness, the togetherness, that was ever-present when we were with glued at the hip. Not that I care about; long as she is either in my arms, by my side, or in my tent. But as all good things do, it had to come to an end. While we were all sitting down and relaxing after another taxing day, a strange sound whistled through the camp. It sounded familiar; it was reminiscent of magic, and mages. In other words, shit was about to go down. In a burst of ominous-looking light, a shriek popped up, fairly close to my position. Its arrival started a chain reaction; more and more of the things appeared. Elena shot a bolt of lightning at one, exploding the shriek into little bits that slowly faded. I unsheathed my daggers and leapt forward, taking out the first one that appeared with a well-placed uppercut.

Zevran rushed past me, attacking his own creepy-turned-pincushion. Leliana had her bow out, shooting of arrows with unerring accuracy and speed. Lay sister my ass….Wynne and Morrigan were working together, their magic felling shrieks left and right. Shale…well, she was just squishing them. Alistair and Sten were chopping away themselves, while my Mabari Nappa ran around and bit the mystic creatures. Yep, I would say we are doing pretty well in this battle. There were a few more shrieks remaining; I leapt on one, introducing it to Mr. Slash and Mrs. Stab; I do not think it liked the housewarming. The others took care of them rest (when I say others, I mean Elena. I love her, but she can be super scary when she is pissed). Now all the shrieks are dead and gone, leaving the camp as peaceful and not filled with threatening abominations as it was before. Yay for happy endings.

As I was sheathing my daggers, I caught a glimpse of a figure off to the right. I stopped, staring hard at what appeared to be a human. Cautiously I stepped forward, my feet making little noise. I know one against my group would not really prove a problem, but something seemed…off about the thing. Instead of aiding the shrieks, it had just lurked in the shadows. There had to be a reason for that. As I got closer to the creature, I realized that though it was humanoid, it was no human. The skin was a dark color, similar to Darkspawn. But, though this was a lot like them, it was not really the same. The eyes were a golden color; not rich and vibrant like Morrigan's, it was more of a sickly color. Somehow, there was something vaguely familiar about it…but I could not discern what it was. I stopped right in front of it, keeping my guard up should it prove unpredictable. "Okay, who and what exactly are you? You did not pick a good camp to test your skills on."

The thing made a croaking noise; it was…laughing? "I guess…I should not have…expected you to remember me. After all, it has been…months since we last parted in that…cave." I quirked my eyebrow. The thing says it knows me…it sounds male…it has not seen me in months and we last saw each other in a cave…then it hit me. Dalish camp…Tamlen…cave…mirror…_Tamlen._ No…no no no! It couldn't be; it wasn't possible! Duncan…he told me that Tamlen was lost, either by the taint of taken by Darkspawn. When I left my camp and made the journey to become a Grey Warden, I had made peace with the fact that he was gone…I had cried myself to sleep for months, and only just let go of my guilt. Tamlen…oh what has been done to you? "Tamlen…how can this be? You…I thought you dead." Tamlen laughed again, a harsh, bitter sound. "In a way I am dead. Be better if I was. The Eluvian marked me with…the taint. Instead of killing me…it turned me into a ghoul, close to…being one of those creatures. I have…searched for you these past months…I had to see you…one last time." "One…last time? What-what do you mean? Tamlen, we have to do something; let me help you. I swear to you I will fix this, just let me-"He shook his head sadly, looking so much like the old Tamlen that my throat clogged up at the memories. The good humor from earlier had faded just as easily as my old life had once duty overtook all. This could not be happening…oh Maker, why are you doing this now? Haven't I lost enough? "Tamlen, no, do not say that! I can't lose you again, not when I had thought you dead and you appear now! Please, there must be something…"

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I reached out for him, but he backed away quickly as if I had burned him. His gold eyes glittered as if one fire. "No! No, stay away! Do not touch me; I have the taint! My fate has been written out for me, you will not fall with me." He ran away from me; I followed him, breath wheezing out as I tried to control my emotions. I managed to catch up with him on the outskirts of the camp. The moonlight shone down upon him, highlighting the horrible disfigurement that taint had bestowed on his body. Tamlen…you were once so handsome, so full of vitality…what has the world done to you? What…what have I done to you? "Tamlen, you need not be afraid. I have…immunity from the effects of the Darkspawn. Being a Grey Warden does that. I…I was infected by the taint, as you were. I joined the Wardens to save my life, and avenge your…death. What if…what if you were a Warden? Surely the effects the taint has had on you will reverse? You could live Tamlen…truly." He shook his head once more, the final nail in our coffin. "The taint…it has gone on for too long. Becoming a Warden would not work. I can…hear them whispering, singing in my ears, day and night. It whirls in my head, slowly driving me mad. They call to me, begging me to join their ranks. I cannot hold off much…longer. Death would be…a mercy."

No…not again! Dear Maker, must I go through this again? Only this time…it is final. Memories of time spent with Tamlen assault my mind. I remember sitting on the grass with him, laughing and telling jokes about shemlens. He had never liked humans. We were sitting by the lake, running our hands over the halla that had settled itself right beside us. We whispered softly, enjoying each other's company and the sun warming the skin on our faces. Holding hands…walking together…hunting…then the last incident where I thought I had lost it all. Ashalle and the Keeper both telling me they had always anticipated Tamlen and I getting together, joining ourselves together as one. I had agreed; he and I had always been more than just friends. I remember the mourning we had, in his honor. Elves crying, flames shooting up in the sky, my ears replaying his last words as the waterworks poured out of my own swollen eyes. The pain had eventually faded, and I had met Elena Amell, a talented and beautiful mage who had stolen my heart. Tamlen could never be replaced, but he would share my heart with Elena. But…now…I would have to live through the nightmare again.

"Tamlen…please, do not make me do this…not to you, not after all that we shared…?" His eyes met mine; they were filled with pain, anguish…and love. "I would not…ask this of you if…there was another way. Even now, the taint…burns within me, killing me and cursing me with the same breath. I have lived…far longer than I should have. I should have died…in that cave, like you all had believed. If I must go, I want to…go by your hand. Please, Emylyn: do this for me." Tears have long past started flowing, my gray eyes staring at the man who was once my friend, my first love. "Tamlen…" "You always were the most important person in my life, Emylyn. I had hoped to one day…make you my wife. That would have made me…the happiest man on Thedas. I always did…love you. I will wait for you, in the Fade. Maybe, one day…we shall see each other again, once your duty has been fulfilled." I grasped my daggers, holding onto them tightly like a lifeline. The feel of the strong handles grounded me, keeping my sanity to me. I felt nauseous; my stomach roiled with knots. Pain took hold of my body, seizing my muscles in a tight hold. _Maker, give me strength_… I walked forward slowly, time seeming to slow to a crawl. I raised my dagger, the sharp steel glistening in the light, like an angel of retribution and death. "I am sorry, Tamlen…I will avenge you, mark my words. The archdemon will fall…and so will the Darkspawn." He smiled, eyes lighter. He looked so much like the old Tamlen that I could not stop a sob from escaping. My arm dropped down, the dagger flashing. A fountain of the blackest blood sprayed out as my oldest friend fell slowly to the ground. I collapsed to my knees beside him, holding his hand. "T-Thank you, Emylyn…I-I lo-ove you…" He took his dying breath, expelling it in a choked gasp. His hand went limp in mine. "I love you, too." My words were whispered, the tears obscuring my view. I gently caressed the blackened cheek, closing his eyes one final time.

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I cradled his body in my arms, an anguished wail rising up in my throat, bubbling out just like his blood. I heard cautious footsteps walking up behind me. A hand was placed tenderly on my shoulder, squeezing lightly. "This was the Tamlen you told me about, wasn't it?" Elena's soft inquiry made pain shoot through my heart. "Y-yes, this was he. The taint…did not kill him like Duncan had thought. He…he did not deserve this…" Sympathetic blue eyes locked onto my own. "No, he didn't. Nobody deserves to live as he has for these months. I am sorry, love. I know you two were close. But, what you did for him…you saved him more pain. It was the kindest ending for him." I took a deep, shuddering breath. "I know." Alistair came up as well, a timid expression across his normal jovial features. "He was the one you were talking about when you-when you were recruited, wasn't he? I am so, so sorry Emylyn. But he-he is in a better place. At least he is free from the taint now." I nodded gratefully at him, one again thanking the deity above who granted me such loyal companions. Everybody gifted me with condolences, easing the pain somewhat. Even Morrigan gave a clumsy apology, looking as ill-fitted to sympathy as Zevran was to being in a chantry.

We all agreed to give Tamlen a pyre, not only to honor him but also to get rid of the body so that animals would not get to him. As the flames licked his tainted corpse, I reflected on my past. Things have changed since those days. I am no longer the carefree Dalish girl who laughed really long and had very little worries. I am now a Grey Warden, the protector of the people of Ferelden and one of two people that can save our country. A lot was riding on my shoulders, and Alistair's as well. But, for just a moment I wanted to be selfish. For just a moment, I wanted to mourn my friend, and what could have been. But, as Elena held my hand in hers, strong and firm and giving me strength, I felt a sort of acceptance settle over my heart. It would take awhile for these wounds to heal, but I knew that with my mage by my side, and my friends, I would get better. One door closed, while another opened. More hardships would follow in the days to come, but I would face them head on. For I am a Grey Warden, and Grey Wardens. Never. Quit.

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End file.
